Learn Your Lesson So You Don't Have to Repeat It
Since it’s Self Improvement Month, I decided we would have to touch on some not so cute topics such as this one. In order to grow and improve, you’ve got to look at the ugly side of growth. It’s the part where you have to abandon a lot of what you knew and embrace all of the scary new things ahead.
Our comfort zones are, understandably, our favorite places in the world. Unfortunately, within those same comfort zones, lies your ability to get distracted from the things you need to do.
Your dreams are relaxing on a chaise lounge — just chillin’, in your comfort zone, waiting on YOU.
I fell victim to this for literal YEARS so I know how hard it is to break the habits that keep you “feeling” safe. I put quotes around “feeling” because more times than not, you’re not safe at all. You’re possibly subjecting yourself to minimizing behaviors, places, and things at work and in old, comfortable friendships. You could be experiencing emotional terrorism through manipulation and toxic behaviors under the guise of a comfortable relationship. You’re making excuses for others (significant others, your employer, your family members, etc.) and taking sole responsibility for things that are holding you back when it takes two (or more) to tango.
Take it from me, life is too short to be FIGHTING to be happy.
If the nouns (people, place, and things) around you are posing more confusion, chaos, and stress in your life than joy?? It’s time to sever some ties. This is a hard lesson to learn because of expectations that we had for these nouns, but chile, if it ain’t working and you’re forcing it, you’re just hurting yourself! I also know it’s easier said than done (because trust, I’ve been there on many levels) but if you take the time to do the work and make the strides you need to, you will get to the other side.
Be honest with yourself.
Are you choosing chaos over peace? Seriously. Check yourself and your intentions. Did you hit him (her or they) up because you miss them for real for real? Or are you just looking for some comfort in a place that you’ve found it before? I have done this in the past too chile, so no judgement here! I missed the attention, but not necessarily the person, so there are phone calls that should not have been answered and texts that definitely should have been left on “read”.
Are you staying in this relationship because you like the comfort of the relationship? I’ve been here too. Starting over and trying to find someone new is scary AF but staying with someone who you aren’t necessarily happy with, is the PITS. Honestly, the first one is the most detrimental to your life and goals in my opinion. When it inevitably ends, because you were there for comfort, you’re going to feel like you’ve wasted so much time. Doubling down on mediocrity just leads to you being MORE annoyed that you spent so much time enduring that. It’s just better to cut your losses early. Believe me. I know.
Take the time to re-introduce yourself to yourself.
Over time your interests change. Take the time to reexamine what makes you, this particular version of you at this state in time. What makes you happy now, is probably way different from what made you happy a year or two ago. Hell, it might be different than what made you happy 6 months ago! We are constantly evolving and changing so make it a point to figure out what you need at this current moment in time.
Once you are clear on who you are currently and what you want, any and everything that doesn’t match your goals, is going to feel irrelevant.
I promise you, once you are clear on your wants, needs, and goals, anything else that does not meet your standards of where you’re trying to go, is going to feel unacceptable. It takes a while to get to this point though, I won’t lie. The reason why it takes a while is because of you. You’re going to doubt that you’re doing the right thing. Over and over again until you’re truly ready to commit to learning the lesson. And because I’ve been there, I’m going to say that’s ok! Depending on how deep you’ve gotten in your nouns entangled into your life, it can be exceptionally hard to unravel them and remove them from your life.
Your doubt is essentially your comfort zone begging you to come back into its cozy space.
If you’re not legitimately tired of redoing the same lesson over and over again, you’re going to run back into that comfort zone. You’re going to say, “oh I want a new job”, but if you don’t hear back right away, you’re going to be tempted to give up and settle for the job you have that you hate. You’re going to say, “oh my partner isn’t hearing me and is still behaving the same/not respecting me/stressing me out, I’m gonna leave”, but as soon as you consider having to meet new strangers and/or you hear your single friends woes, you’ll say, “oh, well it’s not that bad”. Even though you’re miserable. I know it guys. Like I said, I’ve been there. Done that. Hated it.
You’ve got to be ready.
No one else can do your internal work. No one else can make you follow through and stop repeating the same situation over and over again. Everyone else can give you all the advice in the world. BUT until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of your own shit, you won’t do what you know needs to be done. So, all I can say is good luck. I hope you do your work so that you can learn your lesson and move on. I promise you, it’s so freeing and peaceful on this side.
If you have any questions or wanna chat, send me a message here or slide in my DMs on IG/Twitter: @KeriKontours.
Until next time,
xo, Keri